Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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