dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
