y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
