those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
