oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
