I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
