i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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