yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
