her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
