Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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