mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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