Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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