I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
