I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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