he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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