He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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