It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
