I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
