I'm going to jail i love you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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