I could make wine with my vomit
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
