Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
