i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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