I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
