Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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