I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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