I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
