So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
