True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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