What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
