i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
