My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
