I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
