I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
