It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
