If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
