Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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