Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
