bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
