Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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