So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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