I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
