she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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