Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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