Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement