She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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