Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY