dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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