I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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