OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
