You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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