So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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