"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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