I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
