Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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