I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
