this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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