i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Welp...herpes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
