I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
