How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
