How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to wash the frat house off of me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
