Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
