I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
