Moan for me like Helen Keller
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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