This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
