why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
