You just made me feel so damn special
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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