is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
