saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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