you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
