I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
