My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
