I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
