Your tits are I can't wait for
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
