I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
