Umm I'm too high to move.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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