it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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