My nipple is on Facebook.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't put those talents on a resume
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
