She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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